I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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