My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
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Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
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How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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