i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
