I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
