I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
