My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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