Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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