I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
