But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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