margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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