Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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