Well apparently he's into motor boating.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
