I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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