Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
