Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
