i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you didnt know i had herpes?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
