My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
