They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
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I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
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Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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