i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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