Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
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I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
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I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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