I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
