Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
