i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
