You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
