I faked an abortion last night.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize