So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
