I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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