You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Randomize
