She said her name was "party"
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
