i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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