The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
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I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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