he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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