They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
