She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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