Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
