You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
