At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
