My sheets look like a crime scene.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
