No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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