After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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