Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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