i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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