every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
