I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Let's get the cat blown out
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
