I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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