Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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