This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
