I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
