At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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