It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
