Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
