So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
and you fell through a lawn chair
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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