I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
