1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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