The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
