we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
