I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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