I accidentally burped into my bong.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
