Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
How drunk are you?
Completed.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
