Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
