and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize