Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
