Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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