I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
