508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
