A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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