just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
