He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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