just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
