Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
