That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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